The One That Never Leaves: When Situationships Keep Coming Back and Why It’s Not Healthy

There’s always that one situationship the one that seems to linger, no matter how much time passes. The one that drifts in and out of your life, showing up with just enough effort to remind you they exist, but never enough to truly stay.

I’ve been there. In fact, even today, I found myself feeling that familiar mix of anxiety and irritation when that same person reached out again. It wasn’t a “butterflies” moment. It was a heavy feeling, the realization that I’ve grown, and yet this old energy keeps trying to pull me back into something that no longer serves me. It felt insulting, honestly, because I’ve learned I am so much more than someone’s convenience.

what makes it worse is how it happens. Even after I’ve blocked him on everything, somehow an email appears sent to my work email, the only place left that wasn’t personal. That, to me, crosses a boundary. It’s not just persistence; it’s disrespect. It’s unsettling when someone refuses to let go of a connection that you’ve made peace with ending.

And that’s what this post is about not to romanticize the past, but to call it what it is: unhealthy, confusing, and undeserving of your peace.

What a Situationship Really Is

A situationship is that “almost” connection - not a full relationship, but not exactly casual either. It’s where emotions exist, but clarity doesn’t. You talk, you share, maybe even feel close for a while, but it never becomes anything real or secure. It’s like standing in the doorway of something that never opens fully, waiting for a person who keeps you guessing.

For a long time, I thought maybe things could shift. That maybe one day they’d see my worth, or that timing would align. But the truth is, if someone really values you, they won’t keep you waiting in confusion.

Why They Keep Coming Back

When someone keeps circling back into your life, it’s rarely about love it’s about comfort. They come back because they know you once cared, because you were fun, because you were kind, because you were understanding. You were safe.

But that’s not love. That’s convenience.

Some people come back because they crave validation. Others come back because they see you moving on and want to make sure they still hold a place in your mind. It’s control disguised as connection - and it’s not fair to you.

Why It’s Insulting and Unhealthy

Let’s be honest when they reach out, it’s not flattering anymore. It’s frustrating. It’s realizing that they’re not truly thinking about what’s best for you; they’re thinking about what’s best for them.

It’s insulting because they assume you’ll still be there that your growth, healing, and self-worth can be interrupted at their convenience. It’s unhealthy because it keeps you in emotional limbo, reopening wounds you’ve already tried to heal.

When someone keeps reappearing without real effort or change, it’s not a sign that fate is pulling you together. It’s a sign that they haven’t grown and you have.

What Helped Me Move Forward

I won’t pretend it was easy. Letting go of someone who’s been part of your story for a long time, even in a messy way, takes time. But here’s what helped me reclaim my peace:

1. Recognizing the Pattern

   
   

   I noticed they always reached out when I seemed to be doing better - when I was at peace, focused, or healing. Once I saw that, I realized it wasn’t about timing; it was about control.

   
   

2. Not Romanticizing the “What Ifs”

   
   

   I stopped replaying the good moments in my mind. Instead, I reminded myself of how inconsistent it felt, how much energy I gave, and how drained I always ended up.

   
   

3. Setting Clear Boundaries

   
   

   It’s okay to block, unfollow, or mute someone who keeps interrupting your healing. Protecting your peace isn’t petty, it’s self-respect.

   
   

4. Redirecting My Energy

   
   

   Every time I wanted to respond, I poured that energy into something else - journaling, working on my goals, or even just spending time outside with my kids. Healing became my focus, not them.

To Anyone Still Stuck in That Cycle

If you’re still in that space waiting, hoping, or trying to make sense of why they won’t let go please know this: you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. People who can’t give you what you deserve often try to keep you in their orbit because they sense your light, not because they plan to match it.

You deserve someone who shows up consistently, who values your time and your heart, and who doesn’t disappear just to see if you’ll chase them.

You deserve more than almost.

Final Thoughts

Today, when that message came through, I didn’t feel the way I used to. There was no spark, no “what if.” Just clarity and a quiet strength in choosing not to engage.

Because I’ve learned that peace feels better than temporary attention.

And the truth is, I don’t owe anyone access to me just because they miss the version of me that tolerated less.

So yes, I saw his message. But I’ve moved on.

His engagement, his new life is where his focus should be. Not here, not with me, not in a space I’ve already outgrown.

I wish him well, but I wish myself peace even more.

If you’re reading this and someone keeps circling back into your life, take this as your reminder: you don’t have to open the door again. You’re allowed to close it, lock it, and walk toward the kind of love and peace that stays.