Making Stress Meaningful

While most of us can agree that experiencing stress is not something we look forward to, we can actually shift our ways of viewing and dealing with it.

As someone who has previously handled stress in unhealthy ways – overeating, not eating enough, working out too much, not working out at all, incessantly cleaning, not doing any cleaning, and even becoming so overly stressed out that I started having panic attacks - I can attest that I, like most of you, have never been a huge admirer of stress.

Stress is for sure stressful, no joke. However, what really helped me was discovering the notion that I could change the way I looked at and understood my stress. Having panic attacks really makes one believe that their stress is scary and harmful, and this then makes a person want to totally distance themselves from any and all kinds of stressors. Nerve racking thoughts become off limits and one begins to construct barriers in their mind to ward off anything that could potentially bring them discomfort. This habit is flawed and very unhelpful.

Before diving into more details about changing your perspective on stress, I do want to note that first and foremost, one should speak with a professional counselor or therapist to find what works best for you when it comes to your mind and health. Speaking to a trained and educated individual does absolute wonders and should be considered when experiencing difficulty in one’s life. Especially considering that they can elaborate on how to handle negative feelings in more beneficial ways. Therefore, take from this piece what you deem helpful, as everyone experiences things differently, and also understand I am not a professional. I have been seeing a therapist for nearly five years now, and that, plus what I describe here, is what personally allowed me to become happier and healthier.

Now, for the point of this piece - we need to stop seeing stress as inherently negative and damaging to our health and minds. I feel like this was something that became engrained in us when we were all kids. Stress = Bad. You shouldn’t feel stress because it can kill you. While these messages probably had the intention of helping us, they certainly did nothing more than create fear and tension around the idea of stress.

I first started to shift my ways of thinking about stress after watching Dr. Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk - How to Make Stress Your Friend. Dr. McGonigal, a health psychologist, breaks down the science behind changing the ways one views stress and that if you look it as negative and harmful, it can have the potential to become so. However, if one views stress as a positive motivation and something that helps us accomplish or work through an experience, then stress has less of a chance of creating adverse effects.

This was mind blowing to me. I could change the way I thought about my stress and that would help me address and manage it better? Wow. What a wild and seemingly unattainable concept.

Well, as it turns out it actually works. Instead of encountering a stressful situation and immediately thinking about how this will begin to deteriorate my health, I think, “Well this certainly sucks, but this will somehow motivate and empower me to handle whatever is at hand.” It will also influence me to be more open and honest, become more thoughtful and intentional before going into certain situations, and that I am capable of facing and experiencing all that life can bring to me.

Discovering this way of feeling about stress actually saved me. It saved me from endlessly spiraling about things that held no weight. It saved me from putting my body and mind through turmoil every time I needed to tackle something that needed to be tackled. It saved me from letting stress take over my life and set the rules. I have found a peace in this way of viewing stress and my hope in writing this is that you find some peace too.

I know this is not as easy as it sounds. It does take time to become comfortable with this way of thinking and being with stress. It takes dedication and hard work to change years of being afraid of and standoffish with stress. One must take time each day to focus on altering how they deal with the tension. Make your mind and the idea that stress can be positive the priority. It will become easier and easier, and soon enough it will take less and less effort as the days go by.

Stress is a guarantee in this life. However, what is not a guarantee is that we feel distraught and defeated by it. We have the power to take our stress and turn it into something powerful, hopeful, and yes, even into something meaningful.

Stress that comes into my life now is meaningful to me because it signifies that I am along for the journey that life has to offer me. It is meaningful to me because it shows just how tough I am and that I can choose to be motivated and inspired by it. It is meaningful to me because it shows me who I really am.

Therefore, I now see stress as my coach, my cheerleader, and sometimes even my muse.

Let stress in, let yourself grab onto it and show it who’s boss. You are in control and can use your stress in more positive and encouraging ways. It can even be used as a guiding light in life to get you to where you need to be. So, when stress shows itself, don’t hide or cower. Embrace it. Welcome it. See it as Dr. McGonigal does. See it as your friend. Do this and you can start to feel a little more free.

You can also follow what the wonderful musician Hayley Williams sings in her song

“Over Yet”

If there’s resistance

If there’s resistance

It makes you stronger

It’s not the end

If there’s resistance

If there’s resistance

It makes you stronger

Make it your friend

References:

Williams, H. (2020). [Over Yet]. On Petals for Armor. Atlantic Records.

Ted talk mentioned - TED. (2013, September 4). How to Make Stress Your Friend | Kelly McGonigal | TED [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU&t=12s